JT Tomlinson
Founder & CEO
JT Tomlinson is a Los Angeles-based stand-up comedian whose blend of neurotic self-deprecation and witty observational comedy makes him an intriguing and insightful joke-teller. Drawing from his experiences as a recovered addict, former fat person, and current twenty-something, JT’s comedy is simultaneously silly and wise.
JT has recently been on the road opening for Emily Catalano. When in LA, he performs weekly with Don’t Tell Comedy in Los Angeles, and recently launched his own Don’t Tell chapters in Long Beach and Palm Springs. He has appeared at the World-Famous Comedy Store, the Hollywood Improv, and Westside Comedy Theater, and in 2023 began hosting at the Irvine Improv and Oxnard Levity Live. His stand-up and sketch comedy videos have garnered over 50 million views across platforms.
JT Tomlinson
Executive Secretary
JT Tomlinson is an obsessive sociopath who stole my cat. I have lived in this building for five years and nothing could ever separate me from Mr. Dingleberry like that. But then one day along comes JT Tomlinson into the hallway with this giant sort of net and scoops Mr. Dingleberry up and walks away with him like it was nothing. I don't even know how he got in the front door to the building. He must've bribed one of those horrible delivery drivers for it. Shame on him and shame on you, Jeff Bezos.
JT Tomlinson
Waterboy
JT Tomlinson today was convicted on one count of exposing himself to a miner. The miner, 46-year-old Czechian immigrant Petr Svoboda, had this to say when speaking to reporters:
"Nechápu, proč měl problémy. V mé zemi je to naprosto normální. Mám hlad. Je tu někde dobré místo na kuřecí křidélka? Doufám, že se jednou vrátím do rodného Česka a otevřu sérii galanterií. Ne tak velké, aby se z nich stal řetězec, ale jakousi místní sbírku butiků. Žádný tisk, prosím."
JT Tomlinson
Fluffer
JT Tomlinson hits a high fly ball to deep left center field and THAT
BABY
IS
OUTTA HERE!!!!
JT Tomlinson
Quantity Assurance Associate
JT Tomlinson, man what can I say about a guy like JT Tomlinson? JT Tomlinson was the kind of guy that, well he would always just... I'm sorry, it's hard to put into words. JT Tomlinson. Gosh. I hadn't seen JT Tomlinson in probably -- oh no, wait, actually I did run into him recently a few years back. Or was that a dream I had? JT Tomlinson, now there's a guy you always could just... ahh, what's the word? And he would always just be doing some kind of... well anyway, JT Tomlinson. J. T. Tomlinson. You know what? I can't do this anymore. I'm glad he's dead. There, I said it. Are you happy now?
JT Tomlinson
Vice President of Vices
JT Tomlinson has three apples. If JT Tomlinson eats two of the apples, buys five more apples, eats three of those apples, goes home, calls his mother, gets into a disagreement with her about several key details of his childhood, eats one more apple, calls his mother a nasty word and hangs up, turns on a COPS rerun to calm himself down, DoorDashes a dozen more apples, loses the Roku remote in the couch, laments the absence of the television viewing experience with which he grew up, bakes an apple pie recipe which consumes eight apples, finally locates the remote wedged between the side of the couch cushion and the frame of the couch itself, stubs the second toe on his right foot as he gets up to check on the pie and howls in pain, rifles the remote at the TV screen and shatters the TV, finds himself overcome by anger and the pain of his still intensely throbbing toe, vows to someday take very physical and violent revenge on the tech "nerds" who have sullied the television consumption environment, travels to Walmart where he purchases a 22-caliber rifle and 500 rounds of live ammunition, and returns home where he begins to research the daily lives of several high-ranking members of streaming corporations, and then doubles his remaining apples...
how many apples does JT Tomlinson have?
Answer: 8
JT Tomlinson
Shit Boy
And it was on the third day when JT Tomlinson returned. Not from Heaven, for his misgivings upon Earth were far too great for the lord to beckon him home. Neither from Hell, however, whose predominant authority deemed his Earthly actions altogether too strange to warrant eternal suffering. When JT Tomlinson returned, the people in the town were aghast at his reappearance. JT Tomlinson was not dismayed by this. He turned to them and he clarified, once and for all, that he was not a homosexual.
"Just so you know, I am not gay," he said.
"We believe you," said the townspeople.
"Do you really believe me?" asked JT Tomlinson.
It was then that Nathaniel, one of the elder and more trusted among the townspeople, took JT Tomlinson aside and explained to him that during his brief absence from the mortal realm, they had convened to determine that while the act of pegging seemed gay, as it made use of a man's holy orifice, it was not referenced in any sacred text as actually being gay. Additionally, since it was technically an act of intercourse between a man and a woman, it was by nature a strictly heterosexual undertaking.
"Are you sure?" asked a vindicated JT Tomlinson, unable to believe what he had heard.
"We are sure!" exclaimed an increasingly annoyed chorus of townspeople.
"Well, yeah, I mean, that's what I've been telling you all along," said JT Tomlinson. "So I'm not gay, then."
"You are not gay," they agreed.
And he rested.
